Running Into Life

I’ve been away. Not on vacation. Not traveling for business. Just away. For a few weeks, all things that I love – cooking, running, etc. – lost their luster and I’ve struggled to be my chipper self. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Running
The dog days of summer. A case of the doldrums. Call it what you will, I was living through it every time I laced up my shoes. Maybe it was getting up at 4 a.m. several times a week to escape the brutal Arizona heat. Maybe my body was trying to tell me to take it easy. I don’t know. Everything became a struggle. Waking up to run. Finding the motivation to get the miles in. Finding the energy to make it through each run – even the short ones. I was frustrated. Annoyed. Helpless.

Work
Stress. Drama. Deadlines. None of those are new, but because I spend so much of my day there, it’s tough to not let the emotions seep into my home life. I really like my job. Really. I love what I do, and the company I work for does some great things that I am proud to be a part of. But, every great job has some difficult stuff go down from time to time. Over the years I’ve become an expert at not bringing my stress home. This time has been different. I haven’t been able to let go like I usually do.

Life
My poor husband. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him to have to put up with my ups and downs lately. If I’m confused by it, what must he feel like? One day I’d be in a great mood; chatty and loving life. The next day I’d be moody, embarrassed by the (yet another) huge blemish staking it’s claim on my face and feeling sorry for myself. Ick. I wanted so badly to revoke my ticket on this horrid roller coaster of emotions. But how, if I’m not sure how I got on this ride in the first place?

What’s Going On
I’m not sure what’s going on. One thing is for sure, though. Something’s gotta change. I have decided to try to take back my sanity one piece at a time. So I targeted my running. I reminded myself that I don’t have anything to train for right now, so why am I stressing about these workouts? How have I lost sight of the fun part of running? Although I’m still getting up before 5 a.m. to run, I have backed off on my mileage and I’m not following a schedule other than what I decide to do. I’m still having a tough time, but (I’d like to think) I’m making progress.

Snap Out of It
Today. Live in the moment. Savor the goodness in my life. I am thankful for so many things and I need to find it in me to focus on them when I find myself feeling down. Easier said than done, I know, but I promise to work on it. Struggle. Determination. Progress. I will get through this and be stronger for it.